Customary Wedding Process

Guo Da Li 过大礼, traditionally also known as ‘Na Cai 纳采', is the formality performed by the Groom, showing his sincerity to the Bride's family in marrying the Bride.

 

The Betrothal Day is usually done two to three weeks before the actual wedding day, where a senior relative, matchmaker or a good friend will accompany the Groom to present the Dowry Money 'Pin Jin 聘金', and the pre-discussed gifts to the Bride's family. 

 

The pre-discussed gifts typically include specific gold jewellery and auspicious food items such as oranges, wedding cakes, a pair of alcohol, traditional biscuits and candy, and grains. In Singapore, due to our diverse roots from different dialect groups, the food items differ according to dialect groups.

 

The food items will be prepared in pairs (成双成对), and are carried over to the Bride's place in traditional tiered wedding baskets, with the more tiers the better, representing more and more prosperity for the couple in the future. After receiving the gifts, the Bride’s family will return a portion of the dowry money and food items, as a gesture of goodwill and to share the good fortune between the two families.

Dowry, Jia Zhuang 嫁妆, is usually bestowed by the Bride’s family to bless the couple, and it represents the best blessings that the parents have for their daughter.

 

Items usually consist of daily necessities which are vital to starting a new home, which includes a sewing kit and a baby prosperity set, which symbolise the good virtues of the bride (内外兼备) and that she is ready to take up the role of a married woman (贤妻良母).

 

A tea-set and a bowl-set are also given to the couple, which will be first used at the Groom’s house on the wedding day during the tea ceremony and to eat traditional rice balls 'Tang Yuan 汤圆' (圆圆满满), and later kept by the couple, representing filial piety (尽孝心) and abundance (丰衣足食).

 

Traditionally, wooden clogs '木屐' worn by the couple on the night before the wedding are a must, representing progress in life (步步高升). Nowadays, these are given in miniatures for display and for their good meanings. The couple wears bedroom slippers for prosperity instead.

 

Towels represent growing old together (白头到老), and a pair of lamps '子孙灯' (添子添孙) for continuing the line of descendants (延续香火) are also included. These items will be brought home by the Groom to show to his parents during Betrothal Day, then are displayed in the couple’s bridal room all the way till the wedding day, blessing the couple a comfortable and prosperous life.

Bed-setting, An Chuang 安床, is an essential tradition in Chinese weddings. An auspicious day, usually at 11pm on the eve of the wedding day, which symbolises the start of the wedding, will be chosen to proceed with the custom. This is to welcome the Groom & Bride into their new bridal room as a newlywed, with the beginnings of a sweet and loving life together (幸福美满). 

 

In the olden days, an elderly couple who is living a good life (好名人), in a loving marriage with children of their own (膝下有子), will be invited to set the bed for the newlywed. Nowadays, most couples agree that the Groom’s parents are the best 好名人 since their son is getting married and starting a family soon. Therefore, the Groom’s parents will set the bed for them, wishing them everlasting love, good health and a happy family blessed with healthy children.

 

Before proceeding with the custom, the Groom's parents will help change the bedsheets of the bridal bed first. Traditionally, new bridal bedsheets in auspicious red colour are to be used. Nowadays, modern bedsheets with cheerful designs are preferred. 

 

Then, a bed-setting tray, usually consisting of red dates, peanuts, dried logan, lotus seeds, red beans, lily bulbs and more, is placed on the bed, making the bed 'overflowing' with blessings. Little packets of destiny discs 缘钱 are prepared to be placed at specific corners around the bridal room. The bed is then to be left untouched till the wedding day.

Hair combing, Shang Tou 上头, is one of the many Chinese wedding traditions that is still commonly practised today, which symbolises a smooth transition of the Groom and Bride into adulthood. It is a blessing from their parents, wishing them a promising future. 

 

Traditionally, the night before their wedding, the couple will bathe with water infused with pomegranate leaves, and then put on new pyjamas that are long sleeves with pockets (长长久久, 世代相传) and slippers (同偕到老). The couple will then proceed with the hair-combing with their parents doing it for them. 

 

During the process, both the Groom and Bride will hold on to an auspicious ruler and a round mirror. The ruler symbolises to handle matters in life with prudence (做事要有分寸), and the mirror acts as a reflection to remind the couple to be a good partner to one another and a good child to their parents-in-law. 

 

A pair of scissors and red thread will be included as well. The pair of scissors is to bring about benefits for the couple (有利益) as they work hard to provide for their new family, and the red thread blesses the couple and both family good affinity (牵红线, 好姻缘).

 

The parents would then comb their hair in 3 strokes, with each stroke representing a different blessing to be iterated. Parents will recite the following 3 verses while combing their children’s hair:
Yi shu shu dao wei (一梳梳到尾) - First combing, may your marriage last a lifetime
Er shu bai fa qi mei (二梳白发齐眉) - Second combing, may you be blessed with longevity
San shu er sun man tang (三梳儿孙满堂) - Third combing, may you be blessed with many children and grandchildren

The climax of the wedding is the Fetching the Bride 接新娘, when the Groom and his bestmen fetch the Bride at the Bride’s home. This is also when the famous gate-crashing occurs, where the bestmen go through a series of challenges and 'bribe' the bridesmaids to past through the gate. 

 

As the Groom fetches the Bride back to his place, this is where the Tea Ceremony for the Groom's family will take place.

 

A quintessential tradition, the Tea Ceremony represents the formal introduction of the couple as newlyweds to their families. It also symbolises the filial piety towards to their parents, grandparents and elders as the couple serves tea to them. 

 

The tea is brewed with ingredients that includes red dates (早生贵子),  longan (圆圆满满), lotus seeds (连连生子), lily bulbs (百年好合), winter melon sweets (白头到老), and rock sugar（甜甜蜜蜜). All of them symbolise good blessings for the couple and good relations for both families.

 

After the Tea Ceremony at the Groom’s house, the Bride will change into a new outfit before returning to her parents' home. This symbolises the passing of 3 days (三朝回门), and signifies the start of a blessed union of the newlyweds. Tea Ceremony for the Bride's family will then take place there

 

Fun fact: The Groom should bring along some food gifts for the Bride's family so as not to return home empty-handed (不要空手回娘家).